She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
