i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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