i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
