You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
