Texts From Last Night

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  (425): View more from Washington

  I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.

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  (425): I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie. http://tfl.nu/58ia
  Replies (12) Good night (5323) Bad night (933)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.

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  (404): I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced. http://tfl.nu/ok17
  Replies (23) Good night (5055) Bad night (582)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party

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  (814): there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party http://tfl.nu/p535
  Replies (17) Good night (5809) Bad night (650)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?

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  (814): And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys? http://tfl.nu/bo9t
  Replies (33) Good night (1071) Bad night (5884)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.

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  (253): You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me. http://tfl.nu/6xwb
  Replies (17) Good night (4009) Bad night (850)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.

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  (317): Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex. http://tfl.nu/7i2a
  Replies (15) Good night (1176) Bad night (4226)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss

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  (506): i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss http://tfl.nu/l8g6
  Replies (8) Good night (693) Bad night (2912)
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  (650): View more from California

  Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america

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  (650): Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america http://tfl.nu/igww
  Replies (8) Good night (1842) Bad night (546)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)

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  (773): Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:) http://tfl.nu/gxuq
  Replies (2) Good night (1436) Bad night (474)
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  (858): View more from California

  PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.

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  (858): PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS. http://tfl.nu/mje4
  Replies (0) Good night (1753) Bad night (372)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.

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  (423): I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire. http://tfl.nu/h7s4
  Replies (2) Good night (673) Bad night (362)
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  (585): View more from New York

  You get home okay?

  (1-585): View more from New York

  I'm pantless and in bed

  (585): View more from New York

  That doesn't mean you're at home.

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  (585): You get home okay? (1-585): I'm pantless and in bed (585): That doesn't mean you're at home. http://tfl.nu/bq7s
  Replies (2) Good night (1236) Bad night (326)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.

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  (540): Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography. http://tfl.nu/qwkw
  Replies (1) Good night (467) Bad night (316)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.

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  (602): We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening. http://tfl.nu/4cd0
  Replies (9) Good night (907) Bad night (448)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.

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  (847): I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards. http://tfl.nu/rmew
  Replies (0) Good night (493) Bad night (304)

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