I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?