i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I pour the whiskey from now on
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's