Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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