Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
