Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My vagina is very pro this idea
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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