There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
