And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
