I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Farmville is her only friend.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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