If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
try to milk me bitch
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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