i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
