i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
