This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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