I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
They are going to name an STD after you.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
