note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
my poor anus
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
