he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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