is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
