It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
