Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
this must be what syphilis tastes like
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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