I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
What a dumb baby whore.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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