After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
