my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
