it's too hot outside to masturbate.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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