I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You don't make any sense
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