tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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