Cold hands, warm shart.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
