Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
