I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
