it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
