Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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