words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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