Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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