What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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