I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
