When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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