Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
