Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
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