She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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