He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
