please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
