living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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