Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
