i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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