Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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