this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
