im drinking this country out of the recession.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
