im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
