How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
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I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
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Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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