Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
