My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
