I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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