I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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