I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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