she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
