She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
