That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
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I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
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Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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