Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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