BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
