Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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