I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
