the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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