it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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