the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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