dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
