Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
