if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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