i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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