Fine. I'll sleep in my office
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
All I want is dick and wine.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
